Forgotten Post Title: Afterthought

I've been making a concentrated effort to study for the CCENT. I was actually determined to take the exam two days from now. But, alas, I don't feel I am ready. I honestly feel like it isn't worth wasting $150 to find out. I took a practice test earlier and bombed the hell out of it, so yeah. I think more studying is in order, for sheezy. 

I'm pretty sure I might have mentioned this (as I might have mentioned THAT before), but I'm lonely as hell out here. I am halfway across the US from practically anyone I know, aside from my roommate. He is here because he has her, which is good and perfectly understandable. But me? I have nothing out here. No reason to even be here, other than the fact that I thought a change of scenery would do me good, ya know? There's nothing like seeing pictures on facebook of your friends back home partying without you to make you feel truly alone. While I feel that getting these IT certifications will do me good, I honestly wish things had turned out differently. 

As soon as I move from SA, they have a sweet ass ComicCon with wrestlers that I would have killed to meet. Basically the entire nWo, and Bret Hart. My friends that watch wrestling aren't wrestling fans. They are casual marks. The only person who truly used to enjoy it like me, now probably has no fucking clue what is going on. He is a writer now and gay (not that it matters, just stating a fact) and happy and couldn't care less about wrestling as far as I know.

But man, seeing those pictures of my friends...made me realize just how lonely I feel. One girl in particular, she looked damn amazing. She'd make an amazing wife, I know this for a fact. But she doesn't like me, just like none of the girls I ever develop feelings for do. Hell, even the girl I left behind in SA has stopped texting me as much because she has a "boyfriend." She told me via text that he is disgusting, but yet she considers them to be "together." Although I guess that her word really doesn't mean shit, considering that she told me she gave head to some other guy (not the bf) the other night. I wanted to call her a slut and all of the things that I would normally say in that situation. I wanted to ask her if she was drunk or what, but I didn't. I didn't really say much of anything. Only found out who the dude was and that it wasn't her boyfriend. I didn't even bother with a follow up or anything. Just checked her facebook....she has two friends named Ryan, and one of them looks like a dude she would probably hang out with on a regular basis. I should ask her about it, but that's just.....yeah. I don't even really want to talk to her. I honestly thought that me moving halfway across the US would make the messages stop. I mean, it's not like there's a chance for us anymore. Not that we necessarily had one before, but yeah. If she never messages me again I won't be sad. *shrugs*

I've been listening to a lot of the band A Lot Like Birds recently. They are damn awesome and its a shame I haven't heard of them until now. *le sigh* I wish I knew about more music. There are too many bands out there. lol. 

I've been thinking about Da__ a lot recently as well. This is the time of year when she would come in with a nice winter coat and be cold and all this. Every time I think about her cholo-ass baby daddy I just get angry. I wish I could take her out of that situation, and give her an amazing life. One day, when I have money. One day...

Alright I guess that's it for now. Laterz.

-M

Let Down Again?

You'd think I would be used to being disappointed/let down by my friends, but nope. Every time I ask them for something and they let me down it never gets any easier. I keep clinging to the disbelief that they will let me down. I hope they would realize how important things are to me, but nah.

Im fucking tired of them. And tired in general actually. So very tired...

I should be used to Flip-Flopping

Okay so the insanity thing didn't work out. I did it for one day and then stopped. Mostly because we're on the second floor and I don't think our downstairs neighbors appreciated my fat ass jumping around so much. Gonna have to think of a different plan as far as that goes.

Today is my roommate's birthday. I went out to lunch with him and his girlfriend. It was good. I feel like crap though, since I haven't eaten a lot of carbs in a long time. Ugh...

But being around the two of them, it makes me want what they have. They have a simple relationship. They're both nerdy, simplistic people who don't have super materialistic wants or desires. The obviously care for each other and it's endearing. I want something like that. I want a woman who cares about and shares my interests, who would be willing to make/craft me something as opposed to buying it. Someone who'd be willing to spend money but knows that it isn't necessary. I'm like that NIN song, "Something I Can Never Have." *le sigh*

I should be studying for my CCENT right now, but I'm not. I'm just wasting time before work. Why do I always do this? What the fuck is wrong with me? If I knew that, I could fix it. The only thing I know for certain is that I don't want to work tonight. Hell, I don't want to work at my current job ever again. If I found a new position tomorrow, I'd be perfectly content with never going there again. Ya know? *shrugs*

I guess I'm going to try and get a video in. That's it for now. 

-M 

P.S. I'm listening to the band A Lot Like Birds, and I think they're pretty good.  

Trying hard

So Im going to attempt the CCENT exam next wednesday. Am I ready? Not yet. Will I be? I hope so. If not its gonna cost me $150 to find out. The only thing I know for sure is that I am finally fed up with restaurants and need to get the fuck out of here. CCNA is the way to go about that, but I need the CCENT first.

Thats it for now.

-M

Starting a few new things

Either tomorrow or tuesday I start the fitness workout "Insanity." I don't plan on telling anyone. They know that I've lost 50 pounds through Keto, but I plan on surprising them with how I look after being on Insanity for a while. Everyone from the group has been saying I should workout now, but that was the plan all along. I just wanted to see the weight loss results via just the Keto diet before I work on transforming my body by working out.

Also, I've begun dedicating 30 mins or so every day to writing. My plan is to end up with a semi-autobiographical novel, but thats a ways out. Right now I have about 5 pages written, but very little in terms of cohesion. Lol. They're mostly just thoughrs and tangents that need expansion. But I feel good about it. There's supposed to be some tropical storm rolling through our area tomorrow, so if the power goes out I will be sure to end up spending my time writing, amongst other things.

Even though having a break is nice, I was kinda looking forward to getting OT again this week. It doesn't look like its gonna happen though. *shrugs*

I guess thats it for now. Until next time.

-M

Things appear to be bad all around

So it would appear that no one in my family is doing well. I just spoke to my brother, who told me about my family's poor health all over the U.S. I keep wondering what happened to my generation. Only my brother has managed to find a modicum (is that the right word? Synonym for margin) of success. Everyone else is just floundering, myself included. We were supposed to be successful and take care of everyone....but we can't even take care of ourselves. Life is a cruel mistress, right along with fate.

How did it even get to this point? I don't know.

-M

Picking up on little things; reflection

I've been trying to reverse my karma. Its obviously been negative for a long, long time and I've been blind to it. I reached out and apologized to a few old friends and we are friends on facebook again. One of them I am 'okay' about. The other I am sorta happy about. If I hadn't ran my mouth so long ago maybe things would be different right about now. As it stands, she is in Minnesota and I am in North Carolina. We shared a lot of happy times that ended way too soon. Hopefully we can re-ignite some of that spark.
The fall weather is approaching us here in NC. Every day it feels like the temp drops a degree or two. Its nice waking up to a cool apartment with the sliding door open (screen closed) and birds singing and stuff. Beautiful. I feel like I've missed out on a lot of things for no real reason. Well no, I know the reason(s). But the answer isn't a good one, so I'd rather just be vague about it. Ugh.

Getting transferred to a new store and having to repeat the same things over and over is annoying yet theraputic. I tell the same stories, same jokes, same lies, etc. to everyone that shows any interest. Even when I think there is a love interest or something, that ends the same way...they have a boyfriend or are talking to someone or whatever. I've been doing a series of videos with The Isaac and in one of his replies to me he dished out this pearl of wisdom: 'Sometimes you are just yourself, and that's the wrong move.' I love it. It is simple yet deep and truthful. I love that dude in the most hetero way possible. Lol.
But yeah that's all I've got for now. I miss Texas.