Been about a month, let's reflect a bit

I have a habit of screwing things up, and yet this wasn't entirely my fault. I'm single again, but its because the girl couldn't find a job here. She was basically a NURSE and couldn't find a job. Can you believe it? Neither can I. It doesn't quite add up. She also said that she was planning on joining the military. That was the death nail. I don't have the time or money to wait or follow her. So we called it quits. I get the feeling she didn't really care. Everything she said about being and sad and stuff felt like an act. We didn't 'speak' for almost a month...which no relationship could survive, yet alone a young one like ours. Oh well.

I keep saying that I am okay but I'm fairly certain I'm not. I was buzzed by like 9:30am the day after we broke-up. I sobered up enough to meet some friends for dinner and then got drunk again. It was their fault for giving me free beers though. O.o

Ever since I've just felt pretty blah, overall. My thoughts are creeping back to my pre-move to nc-style, which won't end well. I'm currently listening to Bullet for My Valentine, which I normally only do when I'm in a bad move. Meh.

I'm fallen into the 'Matt Trap' once again though. I have a beautiful friend who is newly single. I've been dropping hints but she only considers me a friend. I know this. And yet, I can't help but feel like I have to try even if I know it will fail. But I don't want to ruin the friendship because it isn't like I have a bunch of friends here. So yep, the trap I always fall into.

The pain I've been having for a while has started to get worse again. I go through phases, and right now it's a bad one. I hope it clears up. Or kills me. I'm back to feeling kinda depressed. It's that time of the year. When everyone has someone to spend the holidays with, I'm just here alone. I deserve it for the bad decisions I've made, but still. That doesn't make it hurt any less. Gah.

I started using teeth whitening strips and my teeth are hurting. Gonna have to use that re-mineralizer stuff I have at the house after my next session. I've been trying to quit soda as well. So hopefully my smile will look a decent shade brighter in the future. Also a side effect of quitting soda is being a bit sleepier thanks to less caffeine. I'm going to quit coffee soon too. *shrugs*

As for other positive things....I can't really think of any. Thanksgiving is coming up and I'll be working. I expect it to be a quiet evening.

Things with the friend who I've fallen into the 'Matt Trap' with have been cooling off a lot recently as well. It used to be her who would text me. But now she doesn't text me unless I text her first. Blah.

-M