I have a confession to make. I haven't given up my girl search entirely. :(
But before you throw stones, hear me out. Please?
My desperation led me to try and contact the one woman who made me genuinely happy within the last year who I actually had a shot with at one point. The Isaac can actually attest to my happiness. When I showed him the pictures of the two of us, I remember him saying something to the effect of:
"Wow man, I don't think I've ever seen you this happy before."
Ever the man for truthiness, he would not be wrong. I had a crush on this girl since middle school...so when the opportunity arose for me to actually have something with her, I not only tried my hardest to make it work, but I was the happiest I've been in recent memory.
Anyway, something happened and she basically fell off the face of the earth. I wanted to try to contact her, but I was under the impression that I fucked up somehow.
Well I recently decided "What the heck" and sent her an email just to see if she would respond. After two days, she did. And so we added each other on facebook....I went to view her pics and found out she was in a relationship. :(
Boo. Well we started chatting on facebook messenger and it turns out that not only is in a relationship but she is MARRIED. Married. To a guy she's known for less than a year. When I was talking to her she was saying, "Oh I'll never get married again" and all this and here she is, married after a year. *SMMFH*
Meanwhile, one of my female friends has been trying to get one of HER friends to break up with her boyfriend because he sucks and all this. She wants that in order to hook me and the friend up. Or rather she DID want to do this. Over the course of explaining to me that the two of them were in fact breaking up, my friend proceeds to tell me that it's actually a bad idea due to some bad blood between my current group of friends and her. She basically said that she doesn't want to lose her friend to the group and knows that it wouldn't even happen, but just so it doesn't she isn't going to hook us up. Fail.
So in my desperation I put up a few ads on craigslist and have started trying to talk to women again...
That's all for now.
-M
I've been friendzoned for the umpteenth time. Actually, I've been "familyzoned" instead. The one single girl in the group was at a LAN we were having and she was talking about how she needed to meet new people and get out and date and whatnot when she started naming people she would go out with. She mentioned a few people we knew and then said my name. And I replied with "No you wouldn't" and she agreed. She said "I love you Matt. You are like my brother." *le sigh*
I'm used to the idea of rejection because it happens so much, but that hardly makes it any easier to deal with.
And then to complicate things even further, she proceeds to tell me that she likes the only OTHER single dude in the group. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu. Being the "great friend" and practically "brother" that I am, I agree to help her find out if he is interested in her. Begrudgingly I ask him, and I am actually shocked to hear that he isn't. (WHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAT? My mind collectively gasps.) So now not only does she like someone else, but he doesn't like her back.
What. The. Fuck.
Fate, you are the cruelest of mistresses. My will and resolve is at an all time low at this point. I keep going from one extreme to the other in my head:
One second,"I should lose weight so that girls will be interested in me!"
The next, "I should just say 'Fuck everything' and continue on my downward spiral!"
Even my brother's wife was asking me about women and stuff when I went over for father's day. She was like, "You should try online dating!" To which I replied that I had been doing that for years now, which I never said anything to anyone about because my efforts have been futile. Thanks for the idea and attempt at encouragement, but it's not like I haven't been trying to find a woman for fucks sake. I know how pathetic it is to be almost 30 without a wife, let alone girlfriend or significant other. Not even having prospects sucks.
I used to embrace the whole Gemini thing as a positive....but I'm beginning to see the whole 'two-faced' aspect of it as the negative that it actually is. I was under the impression for the longest time that I could get by on just my personality (since obviously my looks aren't/weren't cutting it). But I've come to the realization that I'm wrong. Not only am I an ugly dude, but my personality isn't all it is cracked up to be. (Or what I thought it was.)
Well I have a busy/stupid day tomorrow at work that I need to get rested for, so I'm out. I'll try and update again soon.
-M
