Postulating about the future (hopefully I used that correctly)

I guess by this point I should try and think about the future. However short it may or may not be. 

I made a list of things that I need money for either coming up soon or things that I WANT to do/acquire in the future. Here it is:

-Car stuff: License, license plates, insurance, transmission(? not sure but there's SOMETHING wrong)
-Tattoos: The Mega Man tats I mentioned before, this sweet Doctor Who logo thing, my niece's initials, and some FFAF lyrics. 
-Dog! And related accessories. I want a dog man. It would definitely help with the loneliness. 
-My certification exams

It sucks that money is what makes the world go around. Well at least to me since I don't have much of it. Heh. 


In other news, I skyped with the SA group on saturday night. It was nice. I felt like I was there, aside from the lack of ability to eat their food. lol. They keep having the impression that I'm going back to visit soon. That's probably my fault, but I mostly said that because I figured it would go over better than "well see ya'll never." Ya know? *shrugs*

Things are going alright. I wish I could say they were getting better but I haven't gotten to that point yet. 

Alright I'm out. 

-M

Understanding references years out when you finally see what was being referenced...

For years I never understood why one of my friends referred to himself as 'Battousai' or some variation of his name + Battousai online. I had no idea that he was referencing an anime, yet alone which particular anime. (It's not like there is a shortage of anime out there.) I don't remember how I came across it specifically, but I ended up looking up Rurouni Kenshin on Wikipedia and thinking that it sounded great. Having watched three episodes thus far, I can say that it's living up to its reputation up to this point. The connection between the two things is that 'Battousai' is a term from Kenshin, which makes total sense now that I think about it. The friend in question is a huge anime nerd, so yea. 

Funny how that works right? I wonder if people will ever understand things I've referenced waaay later. Nah, I doubt anyone cares enough to remember. Meh. 

I've been feeling especially alone out here. I mean I live with Jason, but he's gonna about 70% of the time. And aside from him and his girlfriend (who I have yet to see or talk to in person since being out here) I don't know anyone. I've met people at Chili's, but with the exception of the whale in the aforementioned entry there's not exactly any interest in me. I think I cracked that case, and it actually has to do with the fact that all of the good looking ladies there are already taken. I mean me being ugly or unattractive or unappealing or whatever COULD have something to do with it, but in general mostly everyone has someone already. The only remedy is to get in better shape so I can attract a non-whale. 

Its the same story all the time. Even on OkCupid. I browse profiles to find girls that I think I would be compatible with and send them messages. They either don't respond to the message, or they see it and choose not to respond to it for whatever reason. My once thought of 'flawless' personality does indeed have some flaws. I gave myself too much credit and now I'm trying to fix that. I need to try and be humble. I need to stop being so quick to get angry. I need to relax. I need to stop stressing. 

I've just come across the band "Meg and Dia" via a dubstep remix to one of their songs, and I think I like them. Their songs are good and chill. I feel relaxed. 

Well relaxed and tired. And depressed. And lonely. *le sigh*

I've been thinking more and more about getting a tattoo or three. lmao. Right now the idea(s) I have are: Mega Man on my left calf, Proto Man on my right, and some funeral for a friend lyrics on my back. That'd be outstanding. But that requires money....something that is in short supply at the moment. Meh. 

Guess that's it for now. 

-M

"It's about not settling for something less than you deserve, just because there isn't any other option..."

A girl once posted that as her facebook status ONE day after I asked her out. Obviously it was for me, even if she would never come out and admit to it. I mean no one knew except maybe her, me, and a few of my friends so why spell it out? As much as that hurt (and oh boy did it ever), at least she had the kindness to not say something like, "HEY EVERYONE MATTY ISN'T GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME!" instead. She chose to be vague, and I never really appreciated that until now. 

Since losing around 30lbs, I've been getting unexpectedly hit on. The first time a girl flirted with me at the corner store I had the "Who? Me?" *pointing and looking around*-style reaction. Well now that I am in a kitchen in a new state, I thought I would be able to get to know a new set of women. There are quite a few pretty girls that I work with. However, I am 95% certain that they are ALL taken. Every one. Every.Single.One. 

There is one that I know for a fact that likes me. "Great!" you are probably thinking, right? Wrong. Oh man. Now I understand what that girl was saying when she posted that facebook status. Time is the greatest of teachers right? 

I couldn't understand at the time why she didn't want to be with me. But now that the situation is reversed...I get it. And I am no longer angry at her. At the time, I didn't understand that I was a whale trying to be with a cute minnow. Now, I'm the cute minnow and a whale wants to be with me. I know that is a TERRIBLE analogy, but I will be goddamned if I can't put it any better. I knew I was fat when I asked that girl out. But I thought my personality was great. (I was wrong, obviously.) But the girl that likes me...she is HUGE. I am trying to get it through her head that I'm not interested, but she won't leave it alone. It's starting to get annoying really. Like I said, NOW I understand how in the wrong I was. Man.

I gotta just "Keep Calm and Keto On" as I tell myself. (I should get that printed onto a T-shirt)

Listening to Splender. I miss them. Glad I got to see them live before they broke up. 

This post sort of got derailed, so I guess that's it for now. 

-M