Since I left you hanging, let's try to catch up

I have written in so, so long. I'm not sure why other than forgetfulness/laziness. I feel like I only ever write something in here when things are on the downswing, which is actually why I decided to write this entry....self-fulfilling prophecy much?

I met some friends towards the end of July, via meetup.com. I started going to game nights on wednesday night where we play board and card games. It's been fun. 

In August I made a reddit post looking for companionship. Basically just like a craigslist post, except on reddit. A girl responded....from Wisconsin. I should have dismissed her then. BUT, she said that she was planning on moving here to NC. So I went ahead and let the 'idea' of her and I being together invade my mind, thoughts, emotions, etc. I figured that we would never even meet until she moved here. It would just be an 'online' thing. But it grew and grew thanks to Skype videochatting, Facebook messages, the Avocado App, and texts/phone calls. Then one day while talking about her to a friend of mine, the friend asks how come we haven't met yet? And basically I could only answer that I didn't have the money. So she offered her airline miles to me so that I could meet this girl. But, the girl didn't currently have a job like I do. So my friend instead allowed the girl to use the miles instead, so she could spend a week here with me instead of me spending like 2 days there.

Well these plans were made in September. October finally rolled around and she was supposed to come. She flew in on  Wednesday afternoon, and it was magical. Thursday I worked and then we hung out for a bit after I came home and then went to sleep. By the time I left for work on friday, she said she had to go home ASAP. She was bawling her eyes out. Her grandfather had a stroke which led to a heart attack. She thought he was going to die. So she wanted to go be with him. I couldn't be mad at her....but I sure as hell could be mad at the fucking universe. That situation confirmed my believe that there is no god or higher power or anything like that. If there were, how in the hell could he have possibly allowed that to happen? I was finally getting the chance to be happy....and it was ripped from me in an instant. No 'benevolent' being would do that. Her grandpa could have had his heart attack/stroke a week later, and my happiness wouldn't be impacted. Of course hers would be regardless, but still. It's fucking lame that we finally got time together only to have it cut short.

I'm self-censoring at the moment because if I were to really speak my mind I might say something that would reveal too much of who I really am. And no one is ready for that. 

-M