Wow so it's been a while since I've written. I wanted to write a few times but either laziness or forgetfulness took hold of me.
After haphazardly reading my last post I can safely say that she is 86'd from being my gf. Probably like 3 days after I made that last post we decided to call it off. By we I mean me of course. But I went the politically correct route and made it seem on social media like we came to a mutual decision and whatnot. She agreed to call it off, but I doubt she would have reached that conclusion on her own. As I said in a previous entry, she's kinda stupid.
I really sincerely believe in my heart that I was meant to be alone. What else could explain it? I've been told that I just needed to wait over and over again in my life. I'm now 30 years old. How much longer do I need to fucking wait? Also why should everyone else find happiness in high school or whatever while I have to be practically dead with no hope in site? A bit unfair. But, and here's the catch, if I weren't long for this world, I could understand perfectly. I mean, why drag someone down with me? Maybe that's the 'greater plan' or higher purpose that some "benevolent" entity is trying to show me. Why else? Seriously. I'm just a jerk in a nice guy's clothing, but there are worse people in the world than me who get companionship. It kinda sucks.
I wish that whatever force that was trying to show me this 'you don't get to have a companion' thing would just fucking kill me already. I get it.
-M
