Am I doing what I always do? Over-analyzing things? Worrying too much?

Ironically enough, since my last entry I went on a date with a really adorable girl who genuinely seemed into me. She gave me a kiss on the lips at the end of the date. That never happens!

But, in typical fashion I might have screwed up already. I'm not sure though. I haven't hear from her in over 24 hours now, and I get the feeling that it might be my fault. I don't plan on texting her again anytime soon since I've texted her THREE times without a response. She knows I like her (and I thought she liked me) but I don't want to seem overly anxious. The last thing the poor girl probably wants is to be smothered by some chubby bald almost 30yr old who barely gets by. 

I'm seriously stressing over this, and I shouldn't be. Today was the first time since I've started my new job that I seriously didn't want to be there. I had a headache and felt like crap pretty much the entire day. I didn't work ANY tickets, but technically we're still in training so it's okay. But yeah. She already texted me intermittently but I get the feeling I might have pushed her across the edge to the 'not going to text' side. Or there could be something wrong, like her phone being broken or she lost it or whatever. I have no idea. I really shouldn't worry about it, but I am. I can't help it. I probably should be able to not cling so hard, but I can't. Stupid heart, why do you have to fall so easily? 

Bah.

Hopefully I will update with better news soon. 

-M 

It sounds incredible, but things have finally started to turn around...

I neglected to mention in that last post that my grandfather did indeed pass away. It didn't effect me as hard as some of the other members of my family, but it does suck. My grandfather taught me a lot of things that my father never did like how to fish, how to shoot a gun, etc. 

There were a lot of things I never knew when I was young either because I was young or because I was ignorant. I had no clue that my dad was basically an alcoholic, until years after the fact. I remember him falling asleep with a lit cigarette in his mouth and burning a hole into one of the couch cushions. The only reason I noticed it was because I randomly woke up to the smell of something burning. If I had continued to sleep then none of us might be here right now. That's a scary thought. 

Figures I had to move away right as my niece is starting to be awesome. When children are super young it is almost like you don't matter to them unless you are their mother or father. Now my niece is talking and walking and being generally awesome, from what my brother tells me. It's great to hear, but also sad because I know that the earliest I will probably get to see her is at Christmas this year, and it won't even really be Christmas as far as I can tell since it would appear that I will have to work on all of the major holidays this year. 

Going along with that, I have finally, FINALLY managed to leave restaurants behind. I am now working in IT and I couldn't enjoy it more thus far. I don't sweat or bleed or burn, and it was a $6 per hour raise, which is fantastic. 

Overall, it seems like things are turning around for me. They took their sweet time but I'm glad that it at least happened. Now if my love life would turn around then things might be just a hair shy of perfect. ;)

Ending on a positive note, for once.

-M