Not home for Christmas

I am writing this from a tablet that I received for Christmas from my brother. It is really cool. Also I am currently in New Been with the roommate and his girlfriend and friend. It has been a weird but actually decent Christmas.

Right now I am suffering the effects of binging on carbs and sugar for days, so I feel like crap. After being in Ketosis for so long, cheating really really hurts. I have a headache, stomach ache, and feel tired as hell.

Christmas itself was fairly great, a lot of unexpected but welcomed gifts...that I'm not sure entirely deserve. But I can't exactly give them back. I suppose I could, but yeah that would be terribad.

As 2013 draws to a close I can't help but hope for a better year next year. I got in way over my head with the whole Niki thing. I think I'm going to base my future mate expectations on the mother from 'A Christmas Story' because she is all around awesome.

I dunno, I understand that a career should be my most important focus right now, but my loneliness is practically crippling. Gah. I should probably lower my expectations or something.

Guess that's it for now.

Merry Christmas.

-M

Where things stand now vs. How They Were

For someone so adamant about being honest and truthful, the lies sure did start to pile up. The girl I mentioned in the previous blog entry, Niki, claimed to be all about honesty and whatnot. But let me explain what she is really about. 

The short version is that she played me. 

Here's the extended edition:

She really did flip flop from "you're not in the friendzone" to just wanting to be friends very fast. That should have been red flag #1 for me. But nope, I didn't even contemplate that she had a grander scheme in mind. So we continued talking, as friends, or whatever. Eventually we decided that we should be friends with benefits and so we were going to work on making the benefits part of it happen. On the only two days a week we have to make it happen, she came up with excuses. They were varied and never the same, but yet they were excuses nonetheless. Naive as I am, I believed her. I guess the loneliness built up inside of me was trying to give her the benefit of the doubt. Anyway, so a week passes without anything other than flirting via texts and suddenly I get some strange text messages from her:

"He's pretty kick ass."

and

"Thanks for introducing us- I'm glad you were ok with that."

Say what now? Needless to say, I'm upset by these. She makes up the excuse that she was talking about a "bass player" from "a friend's band" that she was stealing for a 'jam session' on the weekend. That should have been another red flag. But nope, stupid me believed her. I feel for that one hook line and sinker. What really threw me for the loop is that she made it seem like it was legit and that she genuinely felt bad, even though I know now that she's a damn liar. I don't see how anyone could throw around the word "babe" without any sort of emotional attachment, yet that's exactly what she did. I digress. 

We go about our daily routine of occasionally texting when on monday she's like, "hey are you home? can i call?" and I tell her yes to both. On the phone she tells me that since she's going to be moving back home to Virginia that she met up with an old ex-boyfriend and he wanted to take her out to dinner and she was trying to see if I was okay with that. I tried to explain to her that I have no saying over what she wants to do, we aren't exclusive or anything. So of course she is thrilled that she gets to meet up with this guy or whatever. It's all a load of shit that I shouldn't even be dealing with. IF THE FUCKING BITCH HAD JUST SAID, 'HEY I DON'T LIKE YOU ANYMORE, THERE'S SOMEONE ELSE' I'D BE PERFECTLY FINE. But no. I didn't get that courtesy. I got lead around by a leash (albeit of mostly my own doing) and fell for every fucking word.

I've never been the type of guy who condoned or even understood cheating. But now? Now that I know just how evil and manipulative women can be, I have no qualms about it anymore. 

In other news, I had a job screening the other day that I think I completely blew. I hope I'm wrong and that I end up getting an interview and the job, but I sincerely doubt it. I really need to concentrate more on thinking before speaking. Its a bad habit that I need to kick. Ugh.

I wanted to write more but I have to get ready for work. More later possibly.

-M

'And then its' over just as quickly as it began...'

I was talking to a girl named Niki. She liked me. At least thats what she had me believe. There were cons to her from the beginning (which should have stopped me) but I chose to ignore them for the sake of potential happiness. She vehemently told me "you're not in the friendzone" last week. Yesterday she hit me with this one: "I really REALLY like you...we should just be friends." Are you kidding me? Make up your fucking mind bitch. I am used to being friendzoned, but when you say Im not and then put me there anyway Im gonna be fucking pissed. Now shes trying to be ny friend or whatever. Ugh. This will not end well. Lose 50lbs and STILL not date-able. I guess my personality is really just that shitty.

Coming out of the woodwork

 It's really funny to me how some of my friends don't seem to give a shit about saying/doing anything to/for me until someone else starts getting attention. I recently posted on facebook about some mail I received from my "nephew" and my friend replied: 

" I love those drawings! I remember seeing them sitting on the kitchen table a few weeks ago. I still have those Warframe things from PAX to send you! I couldn't get any autographs at Comic-Con though. Everyone you'd care for already left by the time we got there."

Riiiiight. If you gave any sort of shits, you would have made it to comic-con early. And the warframe stuff took no effort, so don't act like that was such a burden on you. But its whatevs. I will attempt to be the nice guy regardless because one day the situation might be reversed (but I doubt it). 

I wanted to say more but I have to get ready for work. Later.

-M

It's a Start

So I am now a CCENT, or CCENT certified. Whatevs. Not sure if I will be able to get out of restaurants with just this certification, but I hope so. I'm tired of all the restaurant bullshit.

I think Im going to have a hard time, with no experience and all. Maybe I can find an unpaid internship or something. The sooner Im out of cooking, the better.

On a different note, I think its funny that she wants me now. Now that she is potentially in the worst situation of her life (practically used up), she would be willing to settle down with me. Kinda BS if you think about it, considering that she was my first option and now Im her last. Im only entertaining the idea because Im so fucking lonely here. I might as well be in Siberia for fucks sake.

So I saw D____la on someone's facebook page. It was nice to see her, if even in pictures. It looks like she is doing well. I will never forget the good times, even though they were only at work. Lol. I added her as a friend, but Im sure her douche-weed baby daddy will deny me. Whatever. I just mainly wanted her to know that I was thinking about her.

I guess thats it for now.

-M

Forgotten Post Title: Afterthought

I've been making a concentrated effort to study for the CCENT. I was actually determined to take the exam two days from now. But, alas, I don't feel I am ready. I honestly feel like it isn't worth wasting $150 to find out. I took a practice test earlier and bombed the hell out of it, so yeah. I think more studying is in order, for sheezy. 

I'm pretty sure I might have mentioned this (as I might have mentioned THAT before), but I'm lonely as hell out here. I am halfway across the US from practically anyone I know, aside from my roommate. He is here because he has her, which is good and perfectly understandable. But me? I have nothing out here. No reason to even be here, other than the fact that I thought a change of scenery would do me good, ya know? There's nothing like seeing pictures on facebook of your friends back home partying without you to make you feel truly alone. While I feel that getting these IT certifications will do me good, I honestly wish things had turned out differently. 

As soon as I move from SA, they have a sweet ass ComicCon with wrestlers that I would have killed to meet. Basically the entire nWo, and Bret Hart. My friends that watch wrestling aren't wrestling fans. They are casual marks. The only person who truly used to enjoy it like me, now probably has no fucking clue what is going on. He is a writer now and gay (not that it matters, just stating a fact) and happy and couldn't care less about wrestling as far as I know.

But man, seeing those pictures of my friends...made me realize just how lonely I feel. One girl in particular, she looked damn amazing. She'd make an amazing wife, I know this for a fact. But she doesn't like me, just like none of the girls I ever develop feelings for do. Hell, even the girl I left behind in SA has stopped texting me as much because she has a "boyfriend." She told me via text that he is disgusting, but yet she considers them to be "together." Although I guess that her word really doesn't mean shit, considering that she told me she gave head to some other guy (not the bf) the other night. I wanted to call her a slut and all of the things that I would normally say in that situation. I wanted to ask her if she was drunk or what, but I didn't. I didn't really say much of anything. Only found out who the dude was and that it wasn't her boyfriend. I didn't even bother with a follow up or anything. Just checked her facebook....she has two friends named Ryan, and one of them looks like a dude she would probably hang out with on a regular basis. I should ask her about it, but that's just.....yeah. I don't even really want to talk to her. I honestly thought that me moving halfway across the US would make the messages stop. I mean, it's not like there's a chance for us anymore. Not that we necessarily had one before, but yeah. If she never messages me again I won't be sad. *shrugs*

I've been listening to a lot of the band A Lot Like Birds recently. They are damn awesome and its a shame I haven't heard of them until now. *le sigh* I wish I knew about more music. There are too many bands out there. lol. 

I've been thinking about Da__ a lot recently as well. This is the time of year when she would come in with a nice winter coat and be cold and all this. Every time I think about her cholo-ass baby daddy I just get angry. I wish I could take her out of that situation, and give her an amazing life. One day, when I have money. One day...

Alright I guess that's it for now. Laterz.

-M

Let Down Again?

You'd think I would be used to being disappointed/let down by my friends, but nope. Every time I ask them for something and they let me down it never gets any easier. I keep clinging to the disbelief that they will let me down. I hope they would realize how important things are to me, but nah.

Im fucking tired of them. And tired in general actually. So very tired...