She is either too dumb to realize that she is fucking things up, or she knows exactly what is going on and is playing me like a fiddle. I want to give her a lot of credit and say it's probably the last part. But honest, I don't think it is. It took me a while but I finally realize that she has hella tunnel vision. Major even. Like, 'Disregard everything else to focus on whatever' style. There were signs of this previously, but I guess I had my own tunnel vision going on. I was so wrapped up in the fact that this girl liked me, that I overlooked some HUGE red flags. I know that you should never try and change someone, but I supposed I was naive enough to think that she would change herself without my intervention. But, I'm gonna let Dr. Cox tell you guys what I was:
Yep. That about sums it up. Here I was, thinking that well if I text her she will text me back. Nope. She didn't even text me back today. At all. I'm gonna not text her until wednesday. If she doesn't text me I'm breaking it off with her. It's gonna suck, but I guess I can re-buy my Hellsing dvds. **le sigh** Fucking bitch. I can't believe she is doing this to me. She said she really liked me. Some way of showing it. Fuck. I really need to stop with the craigslist thing. The people are too fucking weird. I just need to focus on okcupid or pay the fucking money for match [dot] com. Gonna get ready for bed. This weekend was a complete waste. Utterly and totally. Thanks for nothing cunt. -M
I've been friendzoned for the umpteenth time. Actually, I've been "familyzoned" instead. The one single girl in the group was at a LAN we were having and she was talking about how she needed to meet new people and get out and date and whatnot when she started naming people she would go out with. She mentioned a few people we knew and then said my name. And I replied with "No you wouldn't" and she agreed. She said "I love you Matt. You are like my brother." *le sigh*
I'm used to the idea of rejection because it happens so much, but that hardly makes it any easier to deal with.
And then to complicate things even further, she proceeds to tell me that she likes the only OTHER single dude in the group. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu. Being the "great friend" and practically "brother" that I am, I agree to help her find out if he is interested in her. Begrudgingly I ask him, and I am actually shocked to hear that he isn't. (WHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAT? My mind collectively gasps.) So now not only does she like someone else, but he doesn't like her back.
What. The. Fuck.
Fate, you are the cruelest of mistresses. My will and resolve is at an all time low at this point. I keep going from one extreme to the other in my head:
One second,"I should lose weight so that girls will be interested in me!" The next, "I should just say 'Fuck everything' and continue on my downward spiral!"
Even my brother's wife was asking me about women and stuff when I went over for father's day. She was like, "You should try online dating!" To which I replied that I had been doing that for years now, which I never said anything to anyone about because my efforts have been futile. Thanks for the idea and attempt at encouragement, but it's not like I haven't been trying to find a woman for fucks sake. I know how pathetic it is to be almost 30 without a wife, let alone girlfriend or significant other. Not even having prospects sucks.
I used to embrace the whole Gemini thing as a positive....but I'm beginning to see the whole 'two-faced' aspect of it as the negative that it actually is. I was under the impression for the longest time that I could get by on just my personality (since obviously my looks aren't/weren't cutting it). But I've come to the realization that I'm wrong. Not only am I an ugly dude, but my personality isn't all it is cracked up to be. (Or what I thought it was.)
Well I have a busy/stupid day tomorrow at work that I need to get rested for, so I'm out. I'll try and update again soon.
