Bittersweet

Borderlands 2 has indeed captured my attention as of late (like I knew it would). It's been over a month since I've written anything here, so let's try and recap.

The throat pain went away just as mysteriously as it appeared. No clue as to what the deal was there.

I started "jogging" when I got my new phone. Mostly it's a "jog for as far as you can before you get winded and then start walking"-kind of thing, but I was fairly consistent with it. This week I've been slacking though. A random mid-week geekfest combined with general laziness is to blame there. 

I've coupled this walking/jogging with eating healthier. I couldn't believe it at first but I actually did start feeling better. How come I wasn't informed of this sooner? I had heard the "put junk in get junk out" type of theory in the past but I always thought it was just something that people said to try and dissuade others from consuming too much junk food. Little did I know that the opposite was also true: put good things in, and good things come out! Weird!!! lol. 

So in between jogging and eating better I have felt pretty awesome, even despite whatever it is that is fucking bothering me. But today...I've felt the worst I've felt in a while. I DID eat like crap yesterday, so who knows? *think healthier, live healthier*

Work has been super horrible until the thursday that just passed. (The 18th? Too lazy to check right now.) One of my best friends who I met working there just left Texas to return to Maryland. I haz a sad. That, combined with the fact that the GM is an incompetent retard makes for a hard situation. They are cutting hours and it sucks bad. Definitely need to be on the look out for a new job. 

Oh! Something happened with my crush at work....but not anything really worthwhile. (Sorry to get your hopes up.) Anyway, one day I went in and one of the other servers that I am friends with was like:

 "Hey Matthew, did you know that (blank) said she would date you?" 

I did not. This was not something that had made its way to me since I am only there 3 days a week. 

So I asked for more details and the server said that my crush basically told her: 

"Yeah, I'd date Matthew....if I didn't already have a boyfriend."

F.M.L. *le sigh* Not only does the woman I like actually like me, but she said she would date me!!.....were it not for the lazy asshat who impregnated her 4 years ago. God.Damn.It.

There's only one thing that came to mind (other than the cursing of course) when I found this out and that is how bittersweet it is. And when you think of bittersweet, you HAVE to think of this:

I'm out. Maybe I will have good news next time.

-M

More of the Same

I've been friendzoned for the umpteenth time. Actually, I've been "familyzoned" instead. The one single girl in the group was at a LAN we were having and she was talking about how she needed to meet new people and get out and date and whatnot when she started naming people she would go out with. She mentioned a few people we knew and then said my name. And I replied with "No you wouldn't" and she agreed. She said "I love you Matt. You are like my brother." *le sigh*


I'm used to the idea of rejection because it happens so much, but that hardly makes it any easier to deal with. 


And then to complicate things even further, she proceeds to tell me that she likes the only OTHER single dude in the group. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu. Being the "great friend" and practically "brother" that I am, I agree to help her find out if he is interested in her. Begrudgingly I ask him, and I am actually shocked to hear that he isn't. (WHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAT? My mind collectively gasps.) So now not only does she like someone else, but he doesn't like her back. 

What. The. Fuck.

Fate, you are the cruelest of mistresses. My will and resolve is at an all time low at this point. I keep going from one extreme to the other in my head:


One second,"I should lose weight so that girls will be interested in me!" 
The next, "I should just say 'Fuck everything' and continue on my downward spiral!"


Even my brother's wife was asking me about women and stuff when I went over for father's day. She was like, "You should try online dating!" To which I replied that I had been doing that for years now, which I never said anything to anyone about because my efforts have been futile. Thanks for the idea and attempt at encouragement, but it's not like I haven't been trying to find a woman for fucks sake. I know how pathetic it is to be almost 30 without a wife, let alone girlfriend or significant other. Not even having prospects sucks. 


I used to embrace the whole Gemini thing as a positive....but I'm beginning to see the whole 'two-faced' aspect of it as the negative that it actually is. I was under the impression for the longest time that I could get by on just my personality (since obviously my looks aren't/weren't cutting it). But I've come to the realization that I'm wrong. Not only am I an ugly dude, but my personality isn't all it is cracked up to be. (Or what I thought it was.)


Well I have a busy/stupid day tomorrow at work that I need to get rested for, so I'm out. I'll try and update again soon. 


-M