I feel alone regardless of being 'with' someone

I didn't think it was possible to feel alone when you are 'with' someone. Granted the person is not physically near me, but still. When you take the step of going from just getting to know someone to making them your significant other you expect things to go to another level. I'm not even talking physically. 

The fact that my 'girlfriend' doesn't communicate with me says a lot about her. I texted her about it and she admitted that it was her fault, yet she has done nothing to remedy the situation. I didn't text her yesterday and she didn't text me either. Pretty much what I figured would happen. I imagined that she wouldn't text me today either so I broke down and texted her. She responded, but only enough to show me that she was alive. I think I need to set an ultimatum or something. I need to be strong enough to not text her first. And just let it play out. See what she does. I can't be the one texting her first all of the time. A relationship is supposed to be a 2 way street, but right now I'm the only one metaphorically driving. And I'm getting really, REALLY fucking tired of it. I didn't think things would sour this fast, but it just boggles my mind. It really does. How can you be in a relationship with someone without communicating with them? You can't. That should really say all that needs to be said regarding what she thinks about us. 

It's a good thing I didn't do anything stupid like deleting my okcupid profile or anything. That would have been a bitch to recreate. Its not like I've ever had any luck with it anyway though. Like 40 messages sent with like 2 positive responses. That's a terrible ratio. Managers/Coaches/Players etc. have been fired for better ratios than that. Jeezus. 

I fucked up bad on this GF thing though. Once I get my hellsing DVDs I am out. That's another mistake. I will never let anyone borrow them again, provided I get them back. 

I finished my last beer that had been sitting in the fridge from February. A 'Killian's Irish Red' that I love so much. From now on, back on the keto bandwagon. Seriously again. Fuck sweets. Fuck carbs. I need to get back down to like 180 or less. Now that I'm running it shouldn't be too difficult once I get back into Ketosis. Motivation is a powerful thing. Motherfuckers won't see me coming. Believe that. 

When I finally do make it back to San Antonio I'm going to be a japanese speaking, guitar playing in shape dude. I want people to say 'Wow' outloud. I want them to wonder what the hell happened. And that's when I will respond "Motivation Motherfuckers."

Stop being content. Challenge the status quo. Make a difference, not excuses. The only reason I didn't run this morning was because I had to wash clothes. Tomorrow I'm running again. 

I should probably get to sleep if I'm going to get up at 5:30. Hooray for responsibility, bitch. 

-M