The more time I spend with a certain co-worker, the more I feel myself falling in love with her. Before I go any further, let me mention the fact that this is the "platonic" friend that I mentioned in a previous post. I know that there will probably only ever been that platonic feeling on her end, but I find myself imagining a world where we could have some sort of future together. (I'm sure the phrasing of what I am about to say is going to come out all sorts of fucked up, but I can't think of a different way to put it) The problem is that this girl is "stuck" in a bad relationship. She has a kid with a guy who doesn't seem to really give a shit about her. He makes HER work, treats her like crap from what she tells me, and she just puts up with everything. The latest disaster? He wrecked her car. Is he going to pay for it? Hell no. With what money? Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu. So now she is carless, because of him. And you know what else? Their child is about to be 2 and are they going to get married or anything? Nope. He is her "boyfriend" and that's it. He is overprotective of her apparently because the two of us can't even be friends on facebook due to his level of jealousy. Ugh. I don't see how you can go from seemingly not giving a single fuck about her to wanted to guard her with your life so seamlessly. Wait, on second thought yes I can; he doesn't want to lose his meal ticket. Why would he risk losing her when she is basically supporting him? *shakes head*
When conversing with her today (we got to spend about 2 wonderful and glorious hours together) I wanted to tell her: "Look, if you are still in the situation you are in now when I am an engineer and have money I will marry you and take care of you." But not wanting to sound like a creep I chose not to say that. lol. Plus like I mentioned, the whole platonic thing. What's weird is that I can almost feel her starting to like me as more than a friend, but it is like she knows and understands that she can't allow herself to like me because of Douche McGee controlling her life. :(
Going in another direction, I spent some time with _ _ _ _ last night. It was amazing. If I could tell the world about her/us I would. But the details might make a lot of people look at me funny. So instead I will be as enigmatic as possible. If anyone knew the reality of it though? Maaaaaaaan. Let's just say that I would get a lot more "props" and respect or whatever than I do at this current juncture. Anyway, as I left last night she told me that she would try to call me on my birthday. Somehow I doubt it, but if she does then that's awesome.
Thinking about how my life has changed in the past two years, I realized something. I've withdrawn a lot of sharing things with people. Is it weird that none of my "true" friends actually know much about my life? I have ONE person in my life that I have never held anything back from, and he doesn't say shit to anyone. You know why? Because he doesn't know my other friends. No reason to say anything. He's my ninja, for life. I was thinking about this the other night before I went to sleep actually...I can and do vent to him about anything and everything. He listens and comments. Basically the truest and most badass friend I have had in a long time. He is definitely the closest thing to a "best" friend I've had in about 5 years. And he is leaving in October to go to another state. *le sigh*
The only constant in my entire life has been the words that I've written to the various diaries/journals/websites/etc. that I've had over the years. I can honestly say that I've been "blogging" on and off for 10 years now. Definitely before it became the cool/money-making thing it is now. Meh. (If only I had capitalized on blogging way back when. DAMMIT!)
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I will be 28 in 4 days. This is how I feel:
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